


l'appel du vide

by gotobed



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Existential Crisis, Intrusive Thoughts, Mental Health Issues, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:14:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23820643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gotobed/pseuds/gotobed
Summary: L’appel du vide;this French word means “The call of the void” ; it is significantly used to describe the instinctive urge to jump from high places.alex is struggling with intrusive thoughts but he would never admit it
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	l'appel du vide

“okay but the call of the void is strong” alex tells george as they’re sat in the living room. james and will are over and they’re playing fifa, just like they always are.  
“what does call of the void even MEAN alex?” george replies, half focusing on fifa and half the conversation  
“it’s intrusive thought, the french call it l’appel du vide so some people say call of the void”  
“i coulda translated that for you easy mate” james says “still doesn’t exactly explain what it means”  
the fifa game ends, everyone turning their attention towards the conversation at hand.  
“okay well like, have you heard of the high place phenomenon? it’s where people have a sudden urge to jump off a high place, like 50% of people have felt it”  
“well thats bloody stupid” will says  
“yeah, thats the thing, it’s like thinking about suddenly jumping off a high building when youre standing there or thinking about crashing your car or the thought of just like slitting your throat when your holding a knife.  
“are you okay alex?” george asks  
“i uhm yeah i’m fine”  
they resume the game of fifa.

alex can’t stop thinking about it. the call of the void is so strong that he feels like maybe he should just give in to it. it’s every time he stands on a balcony he just wants to jump off, it’s every time he catches the train he thinks about jumping infront of it. he can’t get the void out of his head.

alex is with george playing fifa again. they’re alone though this time, no james or will there with them. they have drinks and video games and surely life couldn’t be better. until alex drops his glass. he’d finished his drink and missed the table when he was putting it back down and now it’s in a hundred different pieces on the floor.  
“you alright?” george asks, clearly seeing how shell shocked alex is.  
“i’m okay, ill clean it up, sorry” akex replies, carefully standing up to grab a bag and a brush to clean everything up. he starts by grabbing the large pieces and placing them in the bag, but everytime he touched one all he can thinking about is slitting georges throat, or his. but that’s not right and its not something he should do and he KNOWS that but he doesn’t know how to stop thinking about it. so alex quietly finishes cleaning up.

he doesn’t think he’d actually act on them, right? the call of the void ever consuming his life, he knows it’s gotten to a point where he should probably get help for it but alex thinks it maybe isn’t even that bad.

he’s not sure what to do at this point. everytime alex looks at anything he just wants to break it or hurt himself or hurt someone else. and he wouldn’t act on anything except hurting himself, cause maybe that would stop the thought, if he just acted on them?

it was sometime before dawn and after sunset when alex was sat on the balcony and he had the sudden realisation, if everything is as real as everyone says it is then nothing can be real right? like he could just disappear and people would notice but it’s not like the world is centred around him. maybe it’s centred around someone but maybe it’s not, maybe they’re there to simply vibe. so that why when alex looks over the railing and hears l’appel du vide he figures he could just act on it.

so alex climbs over the railing and stands on the other side of it and he isn’t even scared, he just hears the call of the void until george comes out.  
“alex what the fuck are you doing?” he asks, clearly very panicked. a little bit of anxiety sets into alex  
“i-i’m not sure” alex replies  
“please come back over, please don’t jump, please” george begs before bursting into tears. alex thinks he’s gonna go back over but he looks down one last time and the call of the void is there, so overly enticing and it’s right there. so he turns to look at george  
“i love you, please never succumb to l’appel du vide” alex lets go and falls backward, life never really mattered anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> if you are struggling in any way mentally please get help. 
> 
> thank you for reading, kudos and comments are appreciated


End file.
